The Peacemaker and the Pugilist
There’s one pointed question I routinely ask my clients at the outset of representation: “Do you know who benefits most off spouses whose hatred for one another is the guidepost for their divorce?” The answer is usually obvious to them as soon as I’ve posed the question. The lawyers.
I met recently with a woman who’d gone through years of bitter litigation to rid herself of her husband. She'd rid herself of a quarter million dollars in the process. Only now was she coming to me for advice when she had no more resources to give. Can you imagine emptying your retirement and your kids’ college savings because you were unable to set aside the rage you had towards “the Other”? I’m honest with people when I say that the last thing I want is for my clients to give me everything they spent their marriage building just because the person they once adored became the object of their ire. Simply put, the most expensive thing anyone can do when going through a divorce is to let bitterness towards their partner lead to a downward spiral of endless jabs, right hooks, and retaliation. You’re both bloodied in the fight.
In this light, a primary goal in helping clients resolve a domestic matter is to offer them a new perspective, one that perhaps only a collaborative approach to divorce can bring. It may be unlike anything you’ve heard before concerning divorce. But it’s worth exploring, I assure you.
In a word, I believe quite paradoxically that the peacemaker trumps the pugilist. And I want to help my clients see, that by exercising the principle of peace, they can move on and be the better for it, both financially and emotionally. I want them to know that a divorce built on a foundation of reconciliation can mean a new chapter that is deeply more fulfilling in life. They may even have their retirement intact. Go figure.
Take a look at the hyperlink below to learn more about my story and my process in directing clients: